I Play What I Want!
Muscle March
By Kat Armstrong - March 22nd, 2010
Let’s talk about my current obsession: Muscle March, a downloadable WiiWare game (500 Wii points or roughly $5 CAD). Muscle March, based on the arcade game of the same name from 2006, was released in Japan through Namco Bandai in 2009 for the high price of 800 Wii points. With only 3 levels and one free play/speed mode, many people thought the game was a rip-off. For its North American release in January of this year, Nintendo dropped the price to 500 points. A bargain!
Many reviews of Muscle March involve the word “terrible” (Chris Kohler, I’m looking at you), but I think that in light of other current offerings, this game is at an unfair advantage. To give this game a fair shake (ha ha), an open mind is required.
The three “levels” of game play involve your character (one of which is a Finnish polar bear body builder: Best!) and some of his colleagues from God’s gym (literally GOD as a body builder – how can this not be great?) chasing after a series of thieves who have broken in and stolen your precious protein powder. How do these thieves escape? They bust through walls posing in various body builder styles and you have to match them using the Wiimote and nunchuk.
Inevitably, as all of your companions slip on banana peels or hit the walls in an incorrect pattern, the chase involves just you and the thief. At this point you need to “pedal” your Wiimote and nunchuk (similar to Wii Sports Resort’s Bike Race) in order to run and catch the criminal. Unfortunately for you, he drops the powder, and some other dastardly dude snatches it up; the chase continues. If you pose incorrectly, you will hit the wall. Do this 5 times, and you die while the criminal escapes. Time to go back to square one!
In the speed trial mode (“Endless Rush”), up to 4 players each take turns trying to run up a road; which turns into a rainbow; which turns into an outer space runway. The speed increases as you seemingly try to reach God by busting through the walls a la leveled mode. At least, I believe that’s what you’re trying to do. I have never been able to complete this mode; it is entirely possible that this never ends.
This is a really fun party game and the intensity increases as you progress through the levels. Watching friends play this (especially Wii novices) is absolutely HILARIOUS and I have not once had anyone turn down the chance to play the time attack mode. Not once.
When I first saw the promotional video for this, my husband and I made a deal that if I wanted it that badly, I would have to pay for it (rather than it being a joint expense). I am sure he figured that we would play it once with other Wii nerd friends, and then never again. He was wrong, of course. He has caught me playing it a few times and I really love it.
It can be mind blowingly frustrating at times, and in my opinion, the solo game becomes unplayable after about 20-30 minutes at a time, mostly due to the campy drum and bass/jungle music that is incredibly loud (no matter what volume the TV/stereo is set at); or the seizure inducing flashing that goes along with it.
Does this sound at all like Super Mario Galaxy to you? No way. It’s not even like River City Ransom (which I will write about that at a later date). It’s just a strange, weird hybrid the is unclassifiable. And yet, the game has an oddly familiar feel. A sort-of mini-game on steroids. Will I love it in a year? Probably not. But will I remember it in 15 years the way I remember Circus Charlie? Absolutely.
And just so you know, I always play the polar bear.
