Toronto Thumbs

Mega Man is Pretty in Pink

If you’ve got 1000 points burning a hole in your Wii, and if you can actually spare the storage space in your “fridge,” you might want to check out Mega Man 9. It’s a new game designed with old school 8-bit sensibilities. Pixel art, chip tunes, and simple controls are used to bring the series back it its roots. In your face, HD enthusiasts!

Of course, the counter argument is that Mega Man 9 is just a lazy attempt to cash in on the mad desire for classic gaming that’s been going strong since the last generation of consoles. How long did this game take to make, a week? Nevertheless, if you fancy yourself as a hardcore 2D gamer and haven’t beaten the game yet, you might want to keep at it. Additional content will be available starting October, and you will be nickel and dimed for it (and you will like it).

Keep those pea shooter fingers in shape!

Posted in Awesome, Awful, News | No Comments »

Super Paper Mario: Mario Hamster

A few nights ago I tried to get back into playing Super Paper Mario, which I hadn’t previously finished. I started off from the beginning and got to Chapter 2-3, in which Mario “accidentally” breaks a vase and then has to pay it off in rubees. Mario’s currency of choice, the coin, is just not good enough so in this level players need to earn rubees.

There are a few ways to earn them. The first of which is a room where you hit spark blocks to generate energy, and you get one rubee for each time you hit a block. If you get 100 rubees, you can buy information from another prisoner/slave on how to get to a room where the rubees are earned much faster.

After going to that room and earning 10,000 rubees by RUNNING IN A HAMSTER WHEEL FOR ABOUT TEN MINUTES, you can buy the password to the rubee vault from another prisoner. Once Mario steals all the rubees in the vault (and how ethical is that, really?), he pays off his debt and the chapter is closed.

Yes, I could have just gone online and searched for what the vault password was – but that wouldn’t be playing the game and getting the full experience out of it. And what one word sums up the experience of that level? Boring!

I nominate Chapter 2-3 of Super Paper Mario as one of the worst video game levels ever. What were the developers thinking? It was this level that made me turn off the Wii for the night.

Posted in Awful, Editorial, Wii | 7 Comments »

Shave My Head For A Shitty Game? No Thanks!

Possibly the most disturbing thing at PAX this year was the booth for Brother’s In Arms: Hell’s Highway. Well, not necessarily the booth but the pigheaded gang mentality of the people who actually lined up for as long as two hours to get a “Hellcut” so they can get a free copy of the game.

Perhaps I’m spoiled by getting review copies for the last few years - but I would also like to think that if I wasn’t in such a position, there’s no way in Hell (pun not intended) that I would waste two hours in a line to be able to put my name on a list to get a free $60 game I may not even like. And it wasn’t just haircuts these guys were getting - they were also getting the word “HELL” airbrushed to the back of their freshly-coiffed heads. Talk about humiliation factor. Some might think wasting two hours of your day to become a walking advertisement for something would be worth the price of the game - I respectfully disagree!

If you’ve ever seen a photo of me, then you’ll know that I have some crazy, oft out-of-control hair going on. At one point I walked by the booth for this game and a bunch of people pointed at me and were yelling for me to get in line. Yeah, right - I’ll join your big stupid frat party and bite into beer cans, too, guys. Also: how many fucking World War II games do we need? And why can’t anyone do it right? A real WWII game would have Americans join the game really late - like after you’ve been playing for four years already - and then it would end.

What I’m waiting for is the video game series that takes a stab at how British troops massacred Native Americans and took over their land. Preferably, it would be a game you can choose to fight as either side. Come on Ubisoft, there’s big money to be made in that one!

Posted in Awful, Commentary | 2 Comments »

GameNow Now Gone

Independent video games store GameNow has closed its doors, evidently for the last time, causing many loyal customers to lament the fact that they have one less great place to hang out and buy games.

I had first visited GameNow over two years ago, back when I was madly searching for classic games for the NES and Sega Master System. GameNow had a lot of what I was looking for the few times I visited it. I would even recommend the store to friends looking for an alternative to EB, Blockbuster, and others of their ilk. It was truly an awesome experience being in there with the amount of inventory they had and the expertise of the staff.

Sadly, GameNow was too far away for me to visit on a regular basis. While details haven’t yet emerged on why the store suddenly closed, there is speculation that the owner was tired of the retail video game business.

On that note, if you know of any great independent game stores, for the love of all that is good, please support them. Two of the best stores I’ve been to recently are 1-Up Games in Hamilton (the store has two locations) and We Got Games in Shopper’s World, Brampton.

Posted in Awful, News | 7 Comments »

Hooray for America
Top Gun Anthem Free for GH3

The worst movie theme song this side of “Spaceballs” will be available as free DLC for Guitar Hero III on July 3 to commemorate the American 4th of July holiday. It’ll be available for both Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions of the game.

From the official press release: The instrumental, guitar-heavy theme was immortalized in the hit film that inspired a generation of young men to awkwardly serenade women at bars, perform perfectly-timed “flipside” high fives and threaten to “buzz the tower.”

Say there, does your F-14 have air sickness bags?

Posted in Awful, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 | No Comments »