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Shave My Head For A Shitty Game? No Thanks!

Possibly the most disturbing thing at PAX this year was the booth for Brother’s In Arms: Hell’s Highway. Well, not necessarily the booth but the pigheaded gang mentality of the people who actually lined up for as long as two hours to get a “Hellcut” so they can get a free copy of the game.

Perhaps I’m spoiled by getting review copies for the last few years - but I would also like to think that if I wasn’t in such a position, there’s no way in Hell (pun not intended) that I would waste two hours in a line to be able to put my name on a list to get a free $60 game I may not even like. And it wasn’t just haircuts these guys were getting - they were also getting the word “HELL” airbrushed to the back of their freshly-coiffed heads. Talk about humiliation factor. Some might think wasting two hours of your day to become a walking advertisement for something would be worth the price of the game - I respectfully disagree!

If you’ve ever seen a photo of me, then you’ll know that I have some crazy, oft out-of-control hair going on. At one point I walked by the booth for this game and a bunch of people pointed at me and were yelling for me to get in line. Yeah, right - I’ll join your big stupid frat party and bite into beer cans, too, guys. Also: how many fucking World War II games do we need? And why can’t anyone do it right? A real WWII game would have Americans join the game really late - like after you’ve been playing for four years already - and then it would end.

What I’m waiting for is the video game series that takes a stab at how British troops massacred Native Americans and took over their land. Preferably, it would be a game you can choose to fight as either side. Come on Ubisoft, there’s big money to be made in that one!

Posted in Awful, Commentary | 2 Comments »

Tech Knaw Low Gee

The buzz on the interwebs these days sounds an awful lot like bellyaching over the disappointing showing of at least two of the big three at E3 this year.

As technology evolves, it seems that our tolerance for what is available becomes smaller. I looked at the offerings of E3 (Mostly for Nintendo, as I am a Nintendo guy) and I thought that all of the things that were offered were pretty much in line with Nintendo’s plan. Of course, you wouldn’t know what to think if you heard the large masses booing Nintendo in their writings on the W3.

Honestly, if MotionPlus was not announced, I don’t think that anyone would have complained about the WiiMote as much as they are doing right now. Seriously, I’ve read about “how MotionPlus is going to allow Nintendo to finally live up their promises.”

Er…Whuh? What promises?

I checked the box that my Wii came in, and nowhere does it say that technology from the distant future is contained within. Nintendo delivered a solid product and did very well (just try to find and find a place that is NOT sold out of the Wii console). As far as I’m concerned, this was the second stage of development and is an extension of the original. Perhaps Nintendo could have packaged it better, but that’s about it.

There a lot of whining coming from the “hardcore gamers” as well as the “core Nintendo gamers”. Apparently games can be magically completed in a short space of time, and it is mandatory for Nintendo to tell us EXACTLY what they are doing at all times. Give me a break.

Hardcore gamers? There are some great games to be played on the Wii if you would just kindly remove your heads from your posteriors. Core gamers? Nintendo will ALWAYS carry core products. It’s the way it’s always been. They might not always be on time, or when we want them, but they will come.

Case in point: the Castlevania fighting game.

I think that this is an awesome idea, especially if it’s done well. How often have you played one type of game and wondered what it would be like as another (platform -> fighting, for instance)? Here is a chance to take an old favourite and make something new out of it. Kudos to the developers for doing this. As consumers, we certainly drive the market. Unfortunately, sometimes I wonder if we actually know what we really want from the folks that provide us with our entertainment.

Posted in Commentary | 2 Comments »

On Nintendo’s E3 Presentation

Considering the huge negative reaction Nintendo’s keynote presentation received from the enthusiast gaming press, we can only come to the conclusion that the company is holding back heavyweight titles for the Wii for future conferences. Wii Music looks like it could be very interesting but considering the limitations of the current Wii Remote, one has to wonder how precise instruments such as the drums will be. Did anyone else watch the demonstration and think of Hit Stix?

It’s clear to us that this year’s E3 was more for the general press than it was for gamers per se. Both Microsoft and Nintendo featured several titles and features that have mass appeal outside of the niche or traditional, stereotypical gamer. And that’s a good thing unless the companies completely forget about their hardcore fans that helped them through tougher times.

And considering that all three companies have games in development featuring IPs that were popular with gamers in the past, I think it’s safe to say we are not forgotten. A little patience can go a long way - and while you’re waiting, have fun with some classic games.

Posted in Commentary, Nintendo | 4 Comments »

Will the Wii Mii Come to 360? Oui!

Remember the olden days when the term “Wii-60” used to refer to Xbox-loyalists who also bought a Wii? Now it describes Microsoft’s less-than-veiled rip-off of Nintendo’s Mii.

As of Monday, it’s official. What was simply an Internet rumour about a month ago became fact during Microsoft’s E3 news conference.

Mii History 101: Upon the release of the Nintendo Wii, the Wii’s Miis became the centre of the party. You see, the Mii gained popularity because of the hilarity of parody. Miis are copies you make to represent you on TV so you don’t have to be some generic pansy. Enough rhymes because I ran out of vocabulary.

Fast forward to now. Microsoft announced they’ll be coming out with “avatars” so gamers can better represent themselves. Those “avatars” are widely known as the Xbox Mii.

I may sound critical, but I like the idea. I can’t wait to make myself on Xbox Live. One of my favourite features of Rock Band was creating an exaggerated copy of myself in the game. I guess it’s like the old saying goes: If you can’t beat them, join them.

Posted in Commentary, Wii, Xbox 360 | 1 Comment »

PSN to Gamers: Let’s Be Friends
WipEout HD Preview Hype

Sony’s PlayStation Network has a lot of ground to cover against the success of Xbox LIVE. I probably should have warned you to sit down before reading that, but while you absorb the shock I’ll also mention that the sky is blue before continuing…

While reviewers and gamers alike are anticipating that LittleBigPlanet will add life to a barren landscape, Sony has mysteriously left several franchises out of current plans. Titles like Twisted Metal, Syphon Filter, Jet Moto, and Colony Wars are just some of the legacy series that would thrive on that network. Only Warhawk was given the opportunity, and as well as it works I can’t help but wonder how great the originally planned single-player campaign could have been.

The real task of breathing life into the PSN first has fallen on veteran Studio Liverpool, who will bring a landmark series to the PSN with the anticipated release of WipEout HD scheduled for 2008. And it can’t come soon enough.

The WipEout Series was my introduction to Sony’s PlayStation. And at the time futuristic anti-gravity racing made perfect sense for capitalizing on the entire idea of video games. I’ve no idea how many nights we’d get back from clubs with our brains lit like a 24/7 Neo-Tokyo and run through tracks of WipEout XL. Mastering the speed and control of those ships was the new elite of gaming while Fluke and The Future Sound of London broke haunting and hypnotic rhythms from the speakers. Funny to think that somewhere lesser beings played GoldenEye.

Read the rest »

Posted in Commentary, PlayStation 3 | 2 Comments »