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Dr. Wylie’s Revenge
I love this game!

I gots me a new addiction. And it’s called Hot Shots Golf: Open Tee.

When I first got a Game Boy oh so many years ago, I actually used to sit on the floor and play Tetris while my sad dejected Nintendo console sat unused and unloved.

Since then my consoles have never experienced that type of rejection. Sure they’ve experienced the sadness of being tucked away in storage, not being turned on in weeks and being traded in for something cooler. But it’s been years since one of my consoles has suffered handheld envy.

Unfortunately for my Xbox 360, the day has returned, the prophecy fulfilled. It’s the second coming of handheld envy.

I bought a copy of Hot Shots Golf for the PlayStation Portable from a seller through Craigslist for $10… so much cheaper than going to the store. (I’m still negotiating for a copy of Jeanne D’Arc from another seller). And from the moment I first played this game, I knew my Xbox was about to get slighted.

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Dr. Wylie’s Revenge
Gaming Magazines or Breakfast of Champions?

We expect next generation consoles from electronics companies, and we most certainly expect next generation games from the developers. We should also expect next generation gaming magazines from publishers.

Last column, which was way too long ago – thanks for the deadline extension, Mr. Editor – we discussed who on Earth would spend his or her hard-earned dough on the current rags some prefer to call gaming magazines. With the advent of the Intertubes (which gave us online walkthroughs, trailers, screenshots, and a glut of industry news), gaming rags must be irrelevant by now? Aren’t they?

So the question is: How do we save this once-beloved industry?

I have three suggestions.

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Dr. Wylie’s Revenge
The mystery of gaming magazines

Video game magazines: What doth life?

Somewhere in that space between sleep and wakefulness my brain ponders the deeper questions of life: why am I here, what is my purpose, and who the heck buys video game magazines anymore?

I mean, come on. We have the Internet.

Nintendo Power magazine used to be the must-buy, must-own magazine for pre-pubescent boys who had to have the latest NES walkthrough and most recent Yoshi poster. Admit it, you too begged your parents to buy you a subscription. I know I did. It was the one piece of mail I looked forward to, except around my birthday when I knew I’d get a cheque or two in the mailbox.

But times have changed.

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Dr. Wylie’s Revenge
My Midlife Gamer Crisis

Image courtesy of mobygames.com

At some point in a video gamer’s life, he will struggle with a deep philosophical question: “What kind of gamer am I?”

Xbox Live made me ponder this question not long ago by making me choose a “Gamer Zone.” The four options are family, recreation, pro and underground. At first I had chosen recreation, but a midlife gamer crisis eventually made me rethink that decision. I’m now in the pro zone. However, here I am – yet again – having an identity crisis.

So I raise the question to you: what kind of gamer are you?

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Dr. Wylie’s Revenge
This Article Brought to You by [ advertiser name ]

Picture this: You pop Metal Gear Solid 4 into your PS3. The cinematic introducing the game begins with a close up shot of Solid Snake’s boots, then the camera pans up his dark jeans to the waist where you see the Levi’s logo. The shot begins to pull back and you see Snake pull a cigarette from his pack of Marlboros. He puts the pack away and takes a big swig of his Budweiser before using a Bic lighter to spark his smoke.

That may well be the future of gaming, and that horizon was brought closer by Sony’s recent announcement that the company will be introducing “dynamic in-game advertising.”

Mind you, such ads likely (hopefully) won’t be quite as obvious as the above scenario. In fact, Sony Computer Entertainment’s senior vice-president, Phil Rosenberg, went so far as to say in the company’s news release that the ads will benefit gamers.

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Dr. Wylie’s Revenge
It’s Not Easy Beating Games

I was surfing the Internet on the weekend when I spotted a columnist arguing video games have become too easy. The article featured a picture of someone’s grandma, with her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth in concentration. She’s holding a Wii controller.

It was then that I thought to myself in desperation, “Perhaps I have fallen prey to game developers morphing me into a (gasp) ‘casual gamer.’” After all, I did buy Viva Pinata last week. And I did finish Halo 3 on normal. And I did buy NHL 07 for the easy achievements. And I do play Guitar Hero on medium.

Still, I can confidently answer the question posed by the Blend Games columnist — “Do gamers have it too easy these days.” No, gamers are not being catered to as drooling buffoons who can’t find the ‘start’ button without a tutor.

Sure I beat Halo 3 on normal. Then I beat it on legendary, with a little help from my friends. And it was hard. And if that’s too easy, try doing it on Legendary with the iron skull activated, a setting that forces you to start from the beginning of a level if you die. I also beat Gears of War on casual because insane is too, well, insane for me. But I’ve recently started playing it on hardcore. I started playing Rock Band on medium to get the hang of the drums, now I play it on hard. I can only beat a handful of songs on expert.

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